Typical Harvest Conversation #1

[A typical farmhouse kitchen table.  Neat (relatively) piles of paperwork surround a family having lunch.  A Humphrey reads a tractor magazine, his wife tries not to drip tea on the paperwork, and the daughter is failing to win £100 from the Waitrose crossword. Barley in field ~20%]

Humphrey:   I'm going to sit down. Wake me if it rains, I've got to put the combine away.

Unqualified cloud expert aka Wife: [Looks out of window]    It really looks like it's going to rain.

Farmer:   Of course not. I have time [Sleeps, safe in the belief he controls the weather]

[It starts to rain.]

Farmer:   [Woken by slightly annoying fairies cheerfully yelling 'Pitter patter!'] Is it raining?...It's not raining.

Rain Fairy 1:   Do you mean water falling from the sky, or another type of rain?

Farmer:   I cannot see rain.

Rain Fairy 2:   Would you like me to go and stand outside to prove it?

[The rain fairies depart to prove it is raining and rescue dog and washing.  Humphrey happily leaves to move the combine.  The local farmers chorus: ****.]

[It pours.  Feed Barley in field >20%]